"Emotional intelligence, more than any other factor, more than I.Q. or expertise, accounts for 85% to 90% of success at work . . . I.Q. is a threshold competence. You need it, but it doesn't make you a star. Emotional intelligence can," Warren Bennis, scholar, author, and the father of leadership education.

In addition to speaking at last month's AASP conference, I also had the opportunity to hear American soccer great Carli Lloyd speak. As another conference attendee (and past opponent of Lloyd's) put it, "She's a tough Jersey girl." The no-nonsense, do-whatever-it-takes attitude certainly came through. While there's no way to relay all of her message, here are some quotes that provide a glimpse into her mindset.

Brandon Aubrey's goal was to play in the World Cup. After a stellar soccer career at Notre Dame, he was a first round  pick in the 2017 MLS draft. Two years later, however, he was out of the game. Using his Notre Dame degree, he took a job as a software engineer. After watching an NFL kicker miss a field goal, his wife said, "You could do that." Thus began a four year journey that took him from training in his garage to the USFL's Birmingham Stallions to the Dallas Cowboys.

Eight games into the season, he's set the NFL record for most consecutive made field goals to begin a career. Aubrey accounts his success to focusing on continuous improvement, sticking to his process, using breathing routines to stay centered and manage his heart rate, directing his self-talk ("hips, spot, ball"), and staying task oriented. He's also utilized advice from his Notre Dame soccer coach, "Play the game, not the occasion." Aubrey has worked on his mental game just as hard as his kicking game.

It looks like the Cowboys have finally found their kicker, and he's bringing a mindset and perspective that is worth paying attention to.

When individuals and teams enter challenging, high-stakes moments, there is a temptation to try going above and beyond. The thinking behind this is, "This is a big moment. What I've done to reach this point is not going to be sufficient, so I must do more." Because the focus has shifted to the outcome and away from the process, players tend to become more emotional and make more mistakes. It leads to worse, not better, performance. When you encounter such a scenario, remember the 3 R's - Recognize, Release, Refocus. 

Recognize that your activation is rising, that your attention has shifted, and/or that you've gone away from what makes you successful.

Release the mistakes, missed opportunities, or negative self-talk that is distracting you and preventing you from playing your best.

Refocus on the task at hand and seek to impact the moment.

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